by Anne Fletcher MS, RD
In Weight Loss Confidential: How Teens Lose Weight and Keep It Off – and What They Wish Parents Knew by Anne Fletcher M.S. R.D., Parents get a candid picture of teen perspectives regarding achieving a healthy weight, alongside research-based advice, and testimonials from leading experts in the field. The objective, yet gentle tone of this book is a welcome introduction for all parents who have a teen that struggles with being overweight. Using real-life stories from teens who have overcome major obstacles to reach and maintain healthy weights, the reader will be invited into the complex world that teens encounter, and will be empowered with practical strategies to support, rather than hinder, the weight loss goals of their own children. The final section of the book is devoted to providing resources for parents and teens, such as websites and established weight loss programs. This is an excellent book for parents who wish to nurture a healthy home environment regarding weight, health, and body image for children of all ages.
I thought about doing this book ten years before I did it because I realized that my own teenage son was becoming heavy. The initial seeds were sown for him to lose weight when he met another boy who had lost weight. I remember he came home and told me all about it and was so excited to have someone to talk about it with. We have this image that all teens are dieting in crazy ways and I decided I wanted to write a book using teens that had lost weight in healthy ways. The whole idea was to show that there really are teens who can do this and who lose significant amounts of weight.
I remember writing to my editor saying that this was a great book idea. I didn’t pursue it at the time because it wasn’t politically correct then to talk about weight management in kids, and then we started to see these numbers increasing with children and teens overweight. Then, my son’s senior year he decided to lose weight. His incentive was to go off to college and didn’t want to be self-conscious, so the rest is history.
I think a lot of parents think that getting on their kid’s back will help improve the problem or make their children more aware of it. These attempts can be overt comments, like, “Don’t you think you’ve had enough?” or subtle, “Why don’t you order this instead?” I heard this a lot from teens. And unfortunately, this can often backfire. Also, my impression is, that somehow it’s more culturally acceptable to razz a guy about his weight, but it still hurts. At least one of the teens talked about his coach making comments about his weight. These are hurtful experiences that do not help. Another surprising, though less common finding that comes to mind, was that some teens are bothered when you tell them that they look ok when they don’t. I think kids value honesty but fed in a gentle way. One parent shared with me that her son resented her and her husband for telling him that he looked fine in clothing when he really didn’t.
Talk with your pediatrician. I think so much of the approach depends on the specific child. For example, when I saw that my son Wes was gaining weight, I called the doctor and talked about it. The doctor said he would bring it up to Wes during his annual exam, and that if it was a concern to him then they would address it, otherwise they would leave it alone. I think it was the right thing for him, as he is very headstrong and the message was better coming from his doctor. A good pediatrician should be able to do this. However, I have heard of some pediatricians saying very shaming things to teenagers, so you need to work with a healthcare provider that you trust.
First, they should really evaluate the personality type of the teen, and determine what experience would be best for them. My book provides a great checklist of things to look for in teen weight loss programs. A few things to keep in mind:
Being supportive. The key is not to be critical or to have an attitude of “Here we go again”. I went through this experience with my son. He went from the I’m-Gonna-Eat-Like-Mom Diet, to the JELLO Diet, to the Do-It-For-Me Diet. I think being supportive, asking how you can help, and acknowledging when your child is feeling discouraged are the best approaches. Sometimes the hardest thing is accepting that your child doesn’t want help yet, and waiting for when they come around.
Do not be a yo-yo dieter yourself. To be a role model for healthy weight management, you need to eat healthful foods and exercise. Many parent that I interviewed expressed that if you want your kids to listen, you must walk the walk. Have healthy foods in the house and be physically active.
I think having events that are not food-based are the best rewards. Some examples from my book include parents who reward teens with a sleepover, going to a movie or concert, or getting their hair colored or ears pierced. My favorite story was of a mother and a daughter who would go to the drug store and just read funny greeting cards together to laugh and do something instead of eating. I think a night out with Mom or Dad is often a great way to spend time, without the emphasis on food. Here are some more great Non-Food Rewards.
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The award-winning health and medical journalist Anne M. Fletcher, M.S., R.D. is frequently sought out for her knowledge about weight management, lifestyle change, and addiction. Her latest book is Weight Loss Confidential: How Teens Lose Weight and Keep It Off – And What They Wish Parents Knew, featured on the “Today Show”, the “Early Show”, and in the New York Times, USA Today, USA Weekend, US News and World Report. The companion book, Weight Loss Confidential Journal: Week-By-Week Success Strategies for Teens from Teens, was released in January of 2008. She is also the author of national bestsellers Thin For Life, Eating Thin For Life, and Sober For Good, as well as the Thin For Life Daybook. All of her books are published by Houghton Mifflin Company.
As a registered dietitian with a Masters degree in nutrition science, Fletcher has counseled hundreds of clients with weight problems. She is a former executive editor and chief writer of the Tufts University Health & Nutrition Letter and was a contributing editor for Prevention Magazine.
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